When it comes to helping autistic kids with social skills, most people start with things like eye contact, taking turns, memorizing polite phrases. But what if we’re skipping the most important part?
Before we can talk about social skills, we have to talk about language.
You can’t build a house without a foundation — and for social skills, language is that foundation. Without meaningful language development, what are we really building? Teaching social scripts without true communication ability might help a child mimic social behavior, but it won’t help them connect. And connection is the goal.
“True socialization requires self-generated language,” says Julie Walker, founder of Positive Interactions Therapy, which serves Northeast Indy and its suburbs. “If a child is only repeating memorized phrases, that’s not real interaction. That’s performance. Social skills are only meaningful when they come from a place of authentic understanding and communication.”
Understanding How Autistic Kids Develop Language
Most people assume language develops in a linear, word-by-word fashion. But that’s not the case for the majority of autistic children. In fact, research by Dr. Barry Prizant — author of the book Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism — found that up to 84% of autistic individuals are gestalt language processors (GLPs). That means, instead of processing language word by word, they learn in “chunks” or scripts — phrases they’ve heard and stored from songs, shows, or people around them.
A child might say, “Oh Toodles!” not to call upon a specific character from a show, but because it’s how they express excitement. Or “Lulu likes noodles!” might actually mean they want a snack. These kinds of phrases — called gestalts — are often borrowed from TV shows, songs, books or familiar voices. This type of language, sometimes referred to as delayed echolalia, is actually the beginning of a rich, natural language journey. When supported correctly, these scripts can evolve into flexible, self-generated speech.
If caregivers and professionals don’t recognize or understand GLP, they might miss — or even discourage — early attempts at communication. That’s why one of the best ways to support your child’s social development is to learn about their language development style first.
Fostering Communication and Social Connection
So what does this look like in real life? Here are practical approaches caregivers can use to support both language and social development in autistic children:
- Seek Out a GLP Speech Therapist
Look for a speech-language pathologist (SLP) who is trained in gestalt language processing. These therapists won’t force isolated words or “correct” your child’s echolalia — instead, they’ll honor it and help your child move through the natural stages of language development. Supportive therapy can transform scripts into spontaneous, meaningful communication.
- Educate Yourself
One of the most powerful things a caregiver can do is learn. Read Uniquely Human by Dr. Barry Prizant and check out the free Masterclass for Parents and Professionals on Meaningful Speech’s website. Follow speech therapists, autistic adults, and GLP specialists on social media. The more you understand your child’s experience, the better you can support it.
- Model, Don’t Drill
Instead of quizzing your child or practicing scripted interactions (“Say hi! Say thank you!”), focus on modeling declarative language. This means talking about your thoughts, feelings and observations out loud. “Wow, that tree is so tall!” or “I’m feeling tired after all that jumping!” This invites connection and encourages communication without pressure or expectation. Be sure to coordinate these efforts with your SLP!
- Follow Their Interests and Enthusiasms
Want to help your child connect with others? Start with what they love. Whether it’s trains, bugs, or Monster Jam trucks, shared interests are natural bridges to social interaction. Find playdates, events, or groups centered around those interests. This also helps reduce anxiety and creates authentic opportunities for connection.
- Build Your Village
Social growth doesn’t happen in isolation — it happens in community. Look for local events, online forums and spaces (virtual or in-person) where you can learn, ask questions and connect with others who understand. Having a support network makes it easier to share ideas, celebrate progress, and navigate the challenges along the way.
- Reframe Your Definition of “Social”
For many autistic kids, socialization doesn’t look like constant chatter or big group activities. It might be parallel play, shared laughter over a cartoon, or simply being in the same room as others. These moments matter. Respect their communication style and comfort level—and celebrate the connection that’s happening, even if it doesn’t look “typical.”
Final Thoughts
Supporting your autistic child’s social development starts with understanding how they communicate. Once we move away from memorized scripts and toward authentic connection, everything changes. True socialization isn’t about passing as neurotypical — it’s about building relationships in a way that honors who your child is.
Whether you’re modeling declarative language, connecting through special interests, or just learning alongside your child, every step you take makes a difference. Because when communication is meaningful, social skills follow.
