My three-year-old is looking for a job, here’s a peek at his resume.
Motivated toddler looking for work in the field of whatever. Payment in the form of toys and gum requested.
EDUCATION
Earned M.B. Degree (Masters Degree in Breastfeeding) – Fall 2009.
Conquered sleeping through the night. CIO (Cry it Out) University- Winter 2009.
Focused and able to poop in a freshly changed diaper. Winter 2009.
Honor’s student and occasional timeout victim of big sister’s imaginary school-Ongoing.
Cooperative preschool. Fall 2012.
Sesame Street, duh- Ongoing.
School of Hard Knocks(Home with dad). Fall 2011- Spring 2012.
SKILLS
Self-starter. Can dress oneself in the morning.
Takes initiative. Created and participated in sticker chart for potty rewards.
Imaginative. Can fake drive a car, but for-real honk the horn.
Creative. Yogurt catapulting. Can clear the table and reach the carpet 75% of the time.
Balanced. Sleeps in a big boy bed and only falls out occasionally.
The ultimate negotiator. Gets under big sister’s skin in no time flat.
Excellent oral presentation skills. Excels at making the “vroom” sound while playing with cars.
A leader. Pretty good at telling pirate jokes.
Multi-tasker. Simultaneous nose picking and penis fidgeting.
REFERENCES
Little Sister
Grandma
Santa
———–
-Pete