Develop a Family Attitude of Gratitude

Does your child say, “You never play with me,” after you’ve spent a full morning playing pretend with them and now need to take a break to do housework? Or do you struggle with your child saying they have “nothing to do,” although you know they have a bedroom full of toys and games?   

If you have ever felt that no matter what you give your kids (time, material things, money) it never seems to be enough, this can feel frustrating, and even a little embarrassing. This can leave you feeling like they aren’t grateful for the things they have. 

It’s Developmental 

But there’s good news. You can help your kids develop an attitude of gratitude and teach them to appreciate what they have all year round!  

“During these times, it can feel like a child is being ungrateful, and we have failed to teach them contentment,” says Emily Weitz, children’s mental health expert. “The truth is, there are many reasons behind why kids show this behavior, and it is not always about gratitude.” 

Weitz says that kids might have these seemingly non-grateful reactions because of social pressure to have the latest and greatest items to fit in with their friends. They might also struggle to handle difficult moments, or lack the skills to sit in feelings of being uncomfortable and waiting for the things they want.   

Grow Gratitude Gradually 

Getting curious about what’s behind these behaviors — and what might be motivating these reactions — can help you figure out the best way to respond. Here are a few simple, supportive tips from On Our Sleeves experts to help you encourage an attitude of gratitude and handle these behaviors in the moment.   

1. Help your child build their “feelings vocabulary.” 

Sometimes, kids just need the right words to express what they’re feeling. You can support them in naming their emotions and tuning in to what they feel. 

• Set aside time to talk about emotions together. Explore different feelings and talk openly about what each of you is experiencing.  

• Model your own feelings to show healthy ways of expressing emotions. This lets your child see that all feelings are normal.  

• In tough moments, try saying: “I can see that you’re feeling mad, and it’s OK to feel that way. But it’s not OK to throw things or slam doors.”  

By helping your child put words to their emotions, you’re giving them tools to understand themselves and express their feelings in healthy ways.  

2. Teach your child how to accept the word “no.” 

Learning how to deal with disappointment when getting a “no” answer can help make your child more emotionally resilient. It takes practice! 

• Say “no” only when you mean it and stick to it. If you change your mind after saying “no,” your child will learn that they can change the answer by acting out.   

• Practice using “no” as a complete sentence. Avoid power struggles and endless negotiations by simply saying “no” and not engaging any further. You don’t always have to explain why you are saying “no.”   

• Try using a phrase like, “I am sorry you are disappointed, but the answer is still ‘no.’” or  “Sometimes loving you means I need to say ‘no’ to things.” 

3. Teach your child how to identify “wants” vs. “needs.” 

It takes time, especially for kids, to learn the difference between what they want and what they need. As the adult in their life, you can set a great example.  

• Talk about your own “wants” and “needs” frequently and in front of them. For example, you can say: “I want to go shopping for new clothes too but right now it is important to budget our money so we can also buy the things we really need, like groceries.”  

• Consider finding ways to get your child involved in budgeting money. You can let them know the budget for a grocery trip and have them practice balancing the needs of the family with the “wants” of special snacks.   

• Provide your children opportunities to give back to others, such as donating toys, helping an elderly neighbor or family member with yard work, or helping out with making a meal at home.  

It’s completely normal to feel frustrated when kids don’t seem to have an attitude of gratitude. Often, this behavior is shaped by many factors—advertising, social influences, or just not yet knowing how to cope with big emotions.  

By talking openly about feelings, helping them understand the difference between wants and needs, and setting clear boundaries, we can guide our kids to appreciate what they have. The goal is to equip them with the skills to manage their emotions and navigate life’s ups and downs, so they grow up with realistic expectations and resilience to handle disappointments. Visit childrensdayton.org/onoursleeves for more tips to support your child’s mental health!