Inside the Mind of a One-Year-Old

What goes on inside the mind of a one-year-old? I’m guessing it’s a little something like this.

If I see something stacked up, I must knock it down.

If I see something hanging, I should pull it down.

If I see something non-edible the size of my trachea, I will eat it.

If given food, I will let it fall out of my mouth and show a look of complete disgust. I will then hand it off to the dog.

Even though I can’t talk very well, I will let you know if I’m unhappy.

If you want me to repeat something you say, I will look at you blankly like you are an idiot. But, if I hear you cuss, I will repeat it over and over until mom gets home just to get you in trouble.

If I see stairs, I will climb them. Tables and chairs? I will climb and stand on them.

If I see a door that looks like it’s supposed to be closed, I will open it. If I see a door that looks like it’s supposed to be open, I will close it.

If you give me a toy that I do not want, I will drop it, or maybe even throw it back at you.

If I see you hurt yourself, I will laugh hysterically.

If I hear my name called, I will respond by saying, “NO!”

Walking towards me will only me make me run away from you. Fast.

I will not allow you to have a phone conversation without the person on the other end of the line knowing I’m in the room.

I will need you when you least expect it.

You must hold me when your hands are full.

Occasionally I will freak out at the grocery store for no good reason at all.

If you take me somewhere and forget the diaper bag, I will poop my pants, twice.

Yours ungratefully,

A one-year-old’s mind

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