Recently I’ve read a few local news stories that confirmed my belief in the need for a parenting manual. I’m not sure who should undertake this gigantic task, but if we all chip in a few ideas, we should be able to get it started.
Here are a few pointers to help out truly clueless parents.
Do not leave your child in the car with the windows up while you spend an hour shopping for clothes, especially when it is over 100 degrees outside.
Do not leave your young children at the neighborhood swimming pool alone. Chances are one of them will drown.
Don’t lock your kids in the closet.
Do not let your kids wander around busy streets, alone, wearing nothing but a diaper while you smoke pot at your boyfriend’s apartment.
Do not pay a child $21 to beat up another child.
While at the airport, do not try to hide your baby in a purse as it goes through the X-ray machine.
Do not get into a fistfight with other adults at your son’s Little League game.
Ok, this one is a little confusing so stay with me, if your child is with their grandparents and gets stung by a bee, then they bring the boy back to you, then they call the police because you refuse to take him to the hospital, please answer the door when the police arrive, or you will be arrested for child endangerment.
Do not leave your kid in the car while you go into a bar to drink.
Don’t leave your kids alone in a hotel room for an hour so you can go outside and smoke a cigarette.
If you are dissastified with your child’s education, do not plant drugs on a school volunteer, then call the police.
Don’t forget to feed your kids.
Do not put your child in a chicken coop for poor behavior.
Do not hack into your child’s school computer system to change his grade from a 98 to a 99.
To be continued…
-Pete