I have a confession to make: We gave our oldest her first cell phone when she was 10. Yep — 10. In second grade, she would tell us daily that she was the only one in her class without a phone. Her father and I thought, “Surely, this can’t be the case.” We contacted her teacher, only to discover that our daughter wasn’t exaggerating. She confirmed that most of her students did indeed have phones.
We held out for two more years, convinced we were waiting long enough. And when we did finally give her a phone, we gave her one without a number or cellular service. She could text us from her iCloud account and use apps, but not the actual phone. In retrospect, it seems like we probably should have done the opposite.
For some, 10 might sound like too young of an age for a phone; for some, 10 might sound too old. Each family is different, and each child is unique. With each of our other children, we delayed the age when they received their first phone. We let them know that just because we did something with one child didn’t mean we were destined to do the rest with each of them.
Knowing When the Time is Right
When to give your child a phone, and what kind, can be a tough road to navigate, filled with varying opinions from a lot of different sources. According to Common Sense Media, 42 percent of kids have a phone by age 10. By age 12, it’s 71 percent. By 14, it’s 91 percent.
Here are some important factors to consider:
What is your child’s maturity level? Can they be trusted to make good decisions with a phone at this time? Do they have social awareness and an understanding of technology and the appropriate uses of technology?
What can they access on their phone? How will you monitor their usage? It’s important to have conversations with your child before the phone is ever placed in their hand about the social etiquette of texting and social media, and that once you put something out there — it’s out there.
What is their level of independence? Our other children received phones once they were in middle school, because we needed a way to communicate with them about activities, pick-ups and changes of plans. We felt our children were mature enough at this point, and we saw a lot of benefits to them having a way to communicate with us, and us with them, when needed.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, some other questions to ask when it comes to phone readiness include:
- Is your child responsible about things like homework?
- Do they say sorry if they hurt a friend’s feelings?
- How well do they follow other tech rules?
- Are you as a parent ready to help support them?
For more questions like this, and to see if your child is ready, you can take the AAP Phone Ready Quiz at screenready.att.com/digital-parenting.
Alternatives to Cell Phones
If you don’t think your child is ready for a smartphone, but do want them to be able to communicate with you and their friends, see if your phone carrier has a flip phone model that allows calls and texts only. There are also smart watches or starter-smartphones that don’t allow access to certain apps or features.
Setting Up Phone Rules
Overall, there is no right or wrong answer to this question, but there are many factors that parents will want to consider when making this choice. If you do get your tween or teen a phone, be sure to talk with them about your family’s expectations and guidelines.
- Will phones be allowed in rooms overnight?
- Will there be monitoring devices on the phones?
- Will there be a time when the phones are turned off or turned in each day?
- What are screentime expectations?
It can feel like a lot, but with some intentionality and open communication, your family will figure out what is best for you. And remember, just like my husband and I had to do — you can always course-correct, if needed. Sometimes, the best way for kids to learn is to see that you are learning, too.
