Wanted: Babysitter (A Top-Ten List)

Top Ten Requirements for Babysitting my Kids

10. Ph.D in Child Psychology.

9. The ability to read aloud the same book over and over and over…

8. The patience of Gandhi.

7. Experience with hazardous materials. Examples include getting poop out of the tub, spit up out of hair.

6. A background in law enforcement/ peace keeping.

5. The eyesight of a fighter pilot. This skill will be used to pick up microscopic pieces off the floor before the baby puts them in her mouth.

4. Omnipresence.

3. Basic first aid skills, such as application of band aids and icepacks to any and all wounds, real or imaginary.

2. The ability to give a bottle, change a diaper and play Uno Barn at the same time.

1. Experience with conflict mediation and crisis negotiation.

Ultimately you must be Judge, Jury and Executioner (or timeout giver) in matters ranging from, “He keeps putting his foot in my mouth,” to “She broke my fairy wings and now I can’t fly.”


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